I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
