fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
