I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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