i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
