I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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