the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
