i just wanna soil my oats bro
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
