You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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