You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
