there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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