Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
