And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
