I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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