just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize