so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
