My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
