OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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