maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
