In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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