Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
