meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
