I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
