I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
