i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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