i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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