gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
