I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Rumble strips road head = magical
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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