so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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