It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
