Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
