If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
