i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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