I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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