I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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