the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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