so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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