why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ladies don't puke and tell
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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