I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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