I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
