I like my sex mixed with concussions.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
