I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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