The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
