tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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