So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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