So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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