So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
