i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize