I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
