Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
