Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize