apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
