my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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