I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
