This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
