wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
