one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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