12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
