My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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