Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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