woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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