if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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