it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I AM VODKA MAN
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
