I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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