Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There are leaves in my underwear?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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