the day after is always just damage control
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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