shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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