She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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