In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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