So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
