Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She needs sedatives and a leash
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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