so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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