the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize