that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
