Well douche your snatch and let's go!
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
