Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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