You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
