Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I believe in your delicious
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
