You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
