When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
