I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
