I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
