return my video game
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
