please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think im going to throw up on grandma
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
