he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
