i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
