Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
