problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize