well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
