Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
