Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
