Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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