Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
