Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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