My nipple is on Facebook.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
